Funeral Information

Funeral Services > Condolences

After the loss of a loved one, your friends and relatives will want to respond by expressing their sympathy. Flowers, condolence cards, meals and other acts of kindness are all ways of letting you know that your grief is shared and understood.

The etiquette of acknowledgement is truly a very personal and individual matter. In most cases a few sincere words are all that is necessary to express your gratitude and to convey that personal me-to-you feeling. Remember to write honestly and from the heart.

Two types of written acknowledgments are commonly used: a sympathy acknowledgment card with a standard verse appropriate for the situation; and a simple note card of your choosing. Blank on the inside, these informal cards allow you to write a special message for each recipient. Below are examples of various situations and phrasings to give you a start on writing your own acknowledgements.

Clergy
It is appropriate to send a short, personal note to clergy to thank them for their spiritual consolation and assistance. Honorariums and other offerings being sent to a church or memorial fund will require a separate acknowledgment.

Examples:

Dear Father Nolan,

  Bob and I thank you for your support and consolation during this difficult time. The funeral service you performed gave inspiration and comfort to everyone present.

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Dear Rev. Sands,

We wish to express our thanks for the truly inspirational service you performed.

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Close Friends, Relatives & Neighbors
It is not always necessary to send formal acknowledgments to your close friends, relatives and neighbors. People who have sent flowers or food or who have helped you or family members in some special way, however, would appreciate a short note of thanks. It can be written on your engraved acknowledgments or on informal note cards.

Example:

Dear Judy,

  I want to convey my deepest appreciation for the wonderful buffet you arranged. You have shown us the kindness of a close neighbor and true friend.

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Pallbearers
A note written on the inside of your engraved acknowledgments or informal note cards should be sent to each pallbearer in appreciation for his/her time and effort.

Pallbearer example:

Dear Joe,

Thank you for your assistance as pallbearer. Your presence was a great comfort for us during our time of sadness. Thank you for being there.

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Honorary Pallbearer example:

Dear Don,

Thank you again, Don, for your assistance and comfort. Although you were unable to serve as an active bearer, your role of honorary bearer means just as much to us.

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Calls from Friends
In most cases, a family member will have met friends at the visitation or will have personally answered calls. In such cases, a written acknowledgment is not necessary. If you have callers (either by telephone or in person) who have not been spoken to, a note of appreciation can be sent.

Example:

Dear Lee,

It was very considerate of you to attend the visitation. I'm sorry that I didn't have the chance to talk with and thank you personally.

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Cars and Services
You can thank friends and neighbors who have volunteered their cars, cooking or other services by sending them a brief note that mentions their courtesy and your gratefulness.

Examples:

Dear Frank,

We really appreciated your helping hand and support at our home after the funeral. Your assistance lifted a burden off our minds and hands.

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Dear Sue,

Thanks again for loaning us your car for the procession. It was considerate and thoughtful of you to extend this courtesy.

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Condolence Cards
It is appropriate to send an acknowledgment in response to a condolence greeting card. A brief note should be written on your acknowledgment if a personal note was included on the card.

Example:

Dear Shirley,

It was very thoughtful of you to remember us at this time.

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Flowers
Traditionally, friends and relatives will send flowers at the time of death as a way of expressing their sympathy. All floral tributes should be carefully recorded as they are received.

You also may receive flowers from a specific group or groups of people. In such cases, you can send a card to the leader, making reference to others in the group. If individuals are mentioned on the floral card, you can send an acknowledgment to each person in the group.

Examples:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Bryant ,

Thank you for the beautiful bouquet. The flowers created a pleasant atmosphere, which consoled us during the visitation.

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It was very nice of the bridge club to remember Mom at this time. Thanks for your kindness.

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Telegrams
An acknowledgment with a few words written on the inside is a sufficient response for any telegrams you might receive.

Example:

Dear Ed and Karen ,

Receiving you wire made me feel that much closer to you both. Thank you for your special sympathies.

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Memorial Donations
A card should be sent to people who make a contribution to a charitable or philanthropic organization in the memory of the deceased.

Example:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Lester ,

Your contribution to the Forgotten Children's Fund is a fitting remembrance to Michael 's own charity work. Thank you for such a special memorial.

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Letters of Condolence
A personal letter of condolence deserves a personal reply. A brief thank you can be written on your acknowledgments or informal note cards.

Dear Mike ,

I want to thank you for your words of comfort when I needed it most. Friends like you have really helped me through this difficult time.

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Mass or Spiritual Bouquets
When a Mass or other memorial is offered, it is proper to write a brief note on the inside of the acknowledgment or note card.

Dear Rick and Mary ,

Thank you for remembering Nancy with your memorial Mass at Holy Trinity Cathedral. I hope to see you there.

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